Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

Dating is tough, especially in today’s day and age. I was curious to see what it’s like from a man’s perspective. Here’s what the guys had to say.

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

The Pain of Constant Rejection

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

“The constant rejection. Get rejected 1000 times and you get more than a little gunshy. The worst is when they assume it must be a joke. Because you have to be joking if you think she might be interested.”

The Absence of Opportunity on Dating Apps

“For men, it’s the absence of opportunity on dating apps — the staggering lack of matches; the occasional match that goes unreplied; the conversation that evaporates after saying hi; the ‘maybe-date’ that never materializes.”

The Difficulty of Finding a Date

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

“After a while, it feels like going hat in hand asking for money trying to get a damn date for Saturday night.”

The Burden of Initiating Everything

“You have to initiate everything. Unsure if she’s being nice or friendly? That’s on you to figure out.”

The Dilemma of Approaching Women

“You are supposed to know what woman is interested in you and to approach them while simultaneously being told by women to never approach them in any circumstance. If you do approach them … and it’s unwanted, then you’re an entitled creep. The risk isn’t worth the reward.”

The Struggle to Show Your True Self

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

“The hardest part of dating as a man (who isn’t super duper model-tier hot) is keeping the woman on board long enough that she gets to see your charm, humor, and positive points. Personality DOES count, but it’s a moot point when most women will ghost or dismiss you LONG before you get a chance to show what a charismatic, fun person you can be.”

The Numbers Game and the Challenges of Young Men’s Dating

“How difficult dating is for an individual man depends on many factors. When people talk about dating being harder for men than women, they’re mostly referring to men aged 18-29. This demographic of men have trouble finding partners because there are simply fewer available women in the same age range.”

The Impact of Declining Social Capital

“Another big issue is declining social capital — both younger men and women have far smaller social circles than previous generations. This puts them in the position of having to date people outside their circles, which is part of why online dating and bars/restaurants have become the most common ways couples meet now.”

The Perception of Attraction and the Role of Physical Appearance

“There is a perception that women aren’t visual creatures when it comes to attraction, but this isn’t accurate. The research seems to suggest that for women, physical attractiveness is important, but they need additional context to know if they are truly interested in a guy — i.e. personality, interests etc.”

The Gender Imbalance in Dating Spaces

“There is also a massive gender imbalance in both online dating and social spaces like bars/clubs. This exacerbates the problem, as some women have so many options they end up with choice paralysis. They struggle to commit because they have the perception that there’s always a better/more compatible guy out there.”

The Overall State of Dating

“Ultimately, dating has become worse for both men and women. People are now forced to date total strangers, which is deeply unnatural for humans. Though I think it’s fair to say it’s harder for men on average.”

The Transactional Nature of Dating Post-College

“I can’t speak for the majority. But ever since I stepped foot out of college, dating has become sort of…transactional.”

The Challenge of Making Others Comfortable

“To me, the hardest part about dating as a guy is to make others comfortable. There is an inherent display of power at play with men, and showing that you are in fact a gentle giant is hard, especially if the relationship is new.”

The Feelings of Inadequacy and Hopelessness

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

“The feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness that come from being ignored by women all your life and or being treated like you’re a horrible monster just because you exist. I personally think that both men and women have it hard, but for different reasons and neither side is willing to acknowledge any kind of fault in their own behavior, but would rather put all the blame on the other side.”

The Hardest Part About Dating as a Man

“The hardest part about dating as a man is that you’re never good enough.”

Navigating Contradictory Requirements

“It’s also often impossible to navigate the frequently contradictory requirements. You need to be strong and stable, but only when appropriate, and not too much or you’re a soulless rock, but you also need to be vulnerable and emotional but similarly only when appropriate and not too much, otherwise you’re not worthy of respect.”

The Need for Independence and Dependence

“You need to be independent and put-together, able to handle all of your own shit without outside help, but also you need to open up and be open to being dependent on them in exactly the idealized way they imagine you should be but not at all beyond that capacity.”

The Importance of Physical Fitness and Social Life

“You need to be in good shape and fit, but also not in the gym all the time. You need a decent social life and friends to display you’re functional and not a serial killer, but you also need to not spend that much time with them or place so much importance on them that they might ever take precedence over your relationship.”

The Art of Balancing Interest and Effort

“You need to be funny and charming and entertaining and appealing and make every effort to go the extra mile, but you also need to temper how interested you appear to be otherwise you’re coming on too strong, but also if you don’t appear sufficiently interested, they’ll think you don’t like them at all, even if you keep making all the effort to interact with them regularly.”

The Challenge of Making the First Move

“You need to make the move, but only when they’re comfortable and not a second beforehand because that will make them uncomfortable and they won’t tell you when you’re on the right side of that line — and if you ask, there’s a decent chance that can and will ruin the moment.”

The Constant Need to Perform

“You always have to perform. The times when your confidence is low, you won’t be able to date. You can’t doubt yourself openly, or be open about any insecurities or vulnerabilities. Even though a lot of these things are organic human experiences, women don’t want a partner who displays them.”

The Increased Competition in the Dating World

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

“It’s the amount of competition. Back in college before all the online dating apps, you were just essentially competing with other dudes in that general area at that time. Now, you’re competing with every male within your specific age range within a 50 mile radius or more.”

The Paradox of Being a ‘Nice Guy’

“The hardest part as a young man was that following the advice and literal statements from women on what they want in a dating partner turns you into a ‘Nice Guy.’”

The Risks of Marriage for Men

“All the marriage risks are on men. If there is a divorce, the man almost always has to pay the woman alimony and continue working to pay for her existence.”

The Lack of Initiative from Women

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

“I’ve always found it annoying that essentially ZERO women ask guys out. That ish is a lot more common in tv and entertainment but I personally have only heard of it twice in my life.”

The Challenge of Meeting Expectations

“[The hardest part is] walking on eggshells for miles to reach a person who nine times out of 10 isn’t ‘good’ themselves.”

The Misconceptions about Income

“I make over over 500k as a physician. Before I met my wife, I dated countless women who thought my income was THE standard.”

The Difficulty in Reading Signals

“[The hardest part is wondering,] ‘Can I read her signals accurately?’”

The Dilemma of Dating Etiquette

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

“I can sum it up in a conversation I read in a forum outside of Reddit. Someone asks, ‘Should a guy bring flowers on a first date?’ Most responses were ambivalent, just stating a preference but a fair few read like this: One: ‘”Ugh, flowers, tells me the guy is a total cheeseball and now I’ve got to carry flowers around all evening.’ Two: ‘If a guy doesn’t bring flowers on a first date, it tells me he’s trash and has no class.’ In both examples, the guy is getting cussed as if he’s a problem. Caught between being cheesy or rubbish.”

The Struggle of Feeling Invisible

“It’s hard to find a gal at all…good or bad, lol. I feel romantically/sexually invisible to women.”

The Challenge of Sharing Interests

“Not all women are impressed by the knowledge that I know and have the same interests. … Most good guys have certain hobbies that they deep dove into.”

The Burden of Planning Dates

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

“After agreeing to a date, it’s up to the man to do 100% of the planning. Even after multiple dates with the same woman, the man is generally expected to be the social planner.”

The Dilemma of Meeting Single Women

“Where can you meet [single women] without being shamed and lambasted? Yet you’re a loser if you can’t meet them.”

The Reality of Modern Dating

“Today’s dating — swipe left or right — has been tweaked to … a gambling-like formula. You will be judged immediately by a few pictures and two sentences as the combined value of your worth.”

The Expectation to Pay for Everything

Men Are Sharing Difficult Parts Of Modern Dating, And As A Woman, I Never Thought Of Some Of These

“You always have to pay. It doesn’t sound that bad on the surface. But it adds up and sometimes starts to feel as though we are being taken for granted.”

The Lack of Support and Compassion

“Being denied any support or compassion whatsoever and somehow being expected to be confident. THEN I might get the support and compassion I don’t need as much anymore.”

The Frustration with Bread-Crumbing

“Some women … like bread-crumbing and only provide one line dead end responses to thoughtful conversation starters.”

The Analogy of Dating Struggles

“And finally…‘The most apt analogy I’ve heard is that if quality partners are like fresh drinking water, men live in a desert and women live in a swamp. It’s a struggle for both, but it’s not the same struggle.’” Click the link to know more